Disclaimer: i hate news.com.au. I hate myself more for reading it all day every day.
The first time i was published was actually a fairly articulate letter to the editor of my local paper on the topic of women’s rights and RU486. The editor edited my letter with editing and it ended up slightly less concise. I wasn’t completely happy about it, but that dosen’t make a funny story, so I’m going to skip that one.
The next time I was published was a vox-pop for another local newspaper. A vox-pop is where the trendy kid with a camera and a notebook stops you walking down the street, uses jedi mind tricks to make you agree to answer a moderately provocative or otherwise deficient question about locally trending pop-culture, and have your photo taken. HEY PRESTO your face is in the paper.Vox pops don’t count as being published, but I'll throw this one in as a bonus because I like your face.
A good looking young man with a camera and a notebook sniffed out my weakness for good looking young men and I was trapped, (sneaky cunt). What he asked me was something like:
“What do you think about the police having rights to impound and sell the cars of hoon drivers?”
What I said was: “Its bullshit. Because, cunts have paid for their cars, and other cunts shouldn’t take things off cunts.”
What was published was: “People have paid for their cars and the police shouldn’t take them.”
Unimpressed.
So if your math is the same as mine, that brings us to the story of the very first time i was published.
I am Kat Erpillar.
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Opinionist
Bananaluminati
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